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Do you ever have any of these thoughts?
"I'm not good/popular/talented enough to do that!"
"It always goes wrong for me!"
"This will be a disaster, it always is!"
If these sentences, or something similar, run through your mind on a regular basis then you will probably find yourself assuming the worst whenever you have to do something or holding yourself back from things just incase something goes wrong. They are all perfect examples of the negative stories we tell ourselves and have a really powerful hold over us and how we live our lives.
I too fall victim to them from time to time, I let my negative stories about myself run wild through my mind. I start believing all kinds of demeaning things about myself which then leads me to holding myself back from being who I really am and experiencing what I want from my life. They stifle me, I make myself small and I know that's not really who I am but these stories - they can have such an impact on our self esteem right?
So what can we do about them? Because when we feel vulnerable bad habits are hard to get on top of and break so having a realistic and actionable solution to this problem is what's going to actually make a difference here and help us all squash our negative mindset for good!
Rewrite the story
I mean this quite literally! I am such a big believe in the power of putting positive ignitions out there so when you write something down it's more likely to happen. So the next time you play out a negative story about yourself or your life in your head write down a positive version. I'll give you an example...
You have a job interview but you feel very anxious and are lacking some self belief, you're thinking that you'll make a fool of yourself, look silly and not know how to answer the questions because you always get things wrong and don't feel worthy.
So write down this instead:
I will arrive at my interview feeling calm, knowing that being myself is enough. I will take a breath before I answer a question, and it's ok if I want to pause before I answer. My experience and knowledge is unique to me and that's what makes me special. When I smile it creates warm positive vibes inside me and shines out of my face for everyone to enjoy.
Write this out a few days or even a week before the interview and keep reading it back and telling yourself this story whenever you can.
Your thoughts are not facts
Ok, this is one of my favourite ways to not only challenge the negative stories in my own head but in others too. I often use this one with my eldest daughter when she is worrying about her spelling test, what people think of her idea or if someone might come and kidnap her in the middle of the night! I gently remind her that just because she's had a thought about something it doesn't mean it's true. It's a really good one for helping anybody gain a little perspective.
The power of YET
Ah, the power of yet! This is a new concept to me but it's becoming a favourite and another good one to share with younger people. So it's associated with idea of a growth mindset which means the more you take the time to learn and grow the better and more successful you will become at something. You may not be very good at playing the piano but the more you practice the better you will get. You may not understand trigonometry but the more you learn and study the more you'll know. You don't know/understand/aren't good at {insert your desired subject here} yet but you will be when you keep on trying and learning.
All 3 of these ideas have worked for me and I still use them when I need to now, even better I love sharing them and teaching them to others so we can all benefit from fighting those negative stories in our head.
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