Pearl of Wisdom Number 14 - Growing Friendships in Adversity

(*Note if your reading this post 2020 this was written at the time of the Corona Virus pandemic)
It’s felt so dark at times lately hasn’t it?!  Living through this period in life where everything we’ve come to know in the western world as liberty and comfort has been taken away!

It’s been unavoidable to step back, staying in our own personal bubbles has been the right and most safest thing to do. However this way of life is bound to take its toll and I suspect like me you take refuge and solace in the words of your loved ones when things get hard.

For me my friendships are an important part of my self care toolkit, coffee dates, dinner dates and other meet up involving a drink and a natter are often like therapy for me and not being able to have much contact with my friends has been one of the hardest things for me lately.

I think in general adversity, whatever shape or form it comes in, undeniably impacts all our relationships and it can be hard to know how to navigate them sometimes, especially friendships.

Knowing how to keep connected when something forces you apart can be very comforting and will hopefully encourage us to keep in contact with our friends. It’s important to remember though that staying connected can look different to everyone and not be easy to accomplish either so taking time to give each other space and understanding is helpful. We all react differently to adversity, we all prioritise different things and cope in our different ways, but saying that if you feel that your attempt to stay connected isn’t being reciprocated or appreciated, it’s ok to hit pause for a while too.

Lately I’ve been trying my best to stay connected to my friendships and although it’s not always easy,  (because like me most of my friends are parents so also like me they have the responsibility of family life, which can be overwhelming to keep up with, especially when facing adversity), I’ve found it really helpful to reach out and keep talking, AND it’s been lovely to still feel apart of each others lives even when it’s impossible to spend time together like we normally do.

Make Video Calls Count - No doubt we can all feel oversaturated with video calling at times, especially if this is also part of your work from home life but if this is your only option then it might help to mix things up a bit. Could you share a meal or movie via video call? Could you cook or play quiz games? Perhaps they could have a theme where you dress up in a certain way or prepare certain drinks and snacks in a fun or unusual way, anything that could make this time feel lighter or bring a closer connection.

Write little love notes - When things don’t feel good many people turn to journaling to help organise their thoughts and feelings, writing can be very cathartic for so many. Why not extend this into a way you can connect more deeply with your friends and turn to the old fashioned way of writing a letter? It’s a great way to express what’s going on with you and an opportunity to put into words what your friendships means too.

Gifts of friendship - I’m a big fan of supporting small businesses and there are so many out there now that do bespoke gifting services or create original beautiful products to treasure and enjoy so sending a keepsake, a delicious treat or even a bunch of flowers to a friend is a wonderful way to remind them you’re thinking of them and helps small business communities near and far.

Photo Collage - If expressing your love and appreciation of another makes you want to be creative then why not try making a photographic homage to your friendship?! This could just be a fun collage of moments in time together or a few beautifully framed memories that you shared, keep it as a reminder for yourself about how dear your friendship is or send to your friend to brighten their day.

Bake off - Last of all, if food is the language of love then baking/making something delicious for your friend and dropping it off on her doorstep will bound to cheer her up and know she is thought of.   A popular American Instagrammer Paige Appel recently started the #thelemonpieproject after wanting to connect with and cheer up her friends when they where living through lockdown regulations in Los Angeles, her idea was inspired with the saying “when life give you lemons..”, she made lemon pies for all her friends and encouraged them to bake them too pass them on to their friends - you can find out more about the project here.

One thing I’ve learnt about friendship in adversity is that it can be at times pleasantly surprising if you allow it to be, and at times bewildering too. Friendships I thought were casual have deepened and become life lines, being a part of something special when life feels hard and watching it unfold has given me so much joy, not mention courage and hope. Have all my friendships continued on in a connected and comfortable manner? No, unfortunately not but this is the time to reiterate that everyone is dealing with their own battles and sometimes friendship can be the casualty of that.

Through the years I’ve lost some good friends through adversity too, and sometimes you reach a point in your life where you simply outgrow people, and that’s ok too. I do believe that life will bring you back to the people that need to be with you if they are lost and let go of the ones that are no longer meant to be.

For now I’m cherishing the people who present, connecting hearts even if we can’t connect hands and finding a new way to move forward with our friendships, keeping them nourished and growing.