Who knew we would be right where we are now - 6 months into the year, in this strange situation, slowly (and personally with much caution as I do not feel comfortable about it!) coming out of a nationwide 10 week lockdown period where life as we knew it was completely turned on its head.
June is officially here and you, like me, may be completely bewildered by how we’ve now found ourselves at the near half way point of 2020.
But here we are indeed and I’m giving so much gratitude for the glorious weather making lockdown life slightly more bearable for us right now!
The last few months have taken it’s toll on my mental health and I’ve had to work extremely hard to stay well, and some days I really haven’t been at all. The last week or so has felt even more heavier with many events and incidents unfolding in the UK and across the world that have left me feeling bewildered, angry, frustrated and powerless, never have I ever needed a dose of wisdom and courage in my life more than I do now.
I’ve felt challenged, in a positive way, to think about what matters right now, truly, along with what is important to me - what are my values, how do I want to intentionally live my life, and what do I stand for?
With such a mixture of thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head lately it’s felt hard to pin down exactly what’s important right now.
Moving forward into this new month though, I feel the need to really lean into the things I’m struggling to understand. I’m constantly consumed by anger lately, for so many reasons, but being an angry person makes for a rubbish mummy, a grumpy partner and an insensitive friend. So instead I want to use that as fuel and take responsibilities for my own actions, I’m often a procrastinator but get tired of things never changing, and of course those two things will never mix.
With this in mind I also feel the need to constructively and thoughtfully raise my voice for the things that concern me or don’t sit well with me in a hope to then be more active and less passive on the issues that I feel passionate about, in hopes that I can keep learning more and raise awareness in others too.
And lastly the need to show more grace and compassion to myself when I don’t meet my own expectations. My ridiculously high standards for myself are part of why my mental health suffers so much and have a long history of never serving me.
This month I’m working on changes I want to make, some are happening today and others will happen over time. Some of the action I’ve already taken is to be more aware of my media consumption, seek out unbiased information and focus in on independent journalism.
I’ve also started conversations at home around racism and culture with my family because I want my children to grow up have a better understanding of the world they live, why it’s important to fight back against hate when we see it and know how lucky they are to live with privilege. My husband and I have already begun to question where we learnt about race and culture to have a better understanding of how and what we learnt as children and unpick some of the racist behaviour we grew up with so we can unlearn this ourselves and be better parents to our children.
This month I am collaborating with some amazing women who are doing really important work around mental health which is so important to me. I often get lost in my own story but feel even more proactive about helping other women to highlight so many other stories through my own experience or by giving them a platform to raise their own voices.
June is now a time step consciously into the next part of this year, I don’t have all the answers, I’m not an expert on relationships, racism, mental health or politics but I don’t want to be passive in my beliefs, thoughts or actions. I don’t want to be passive about my health and wellbeing, or family and friends, or yours either.
I know I don’t have all the answers about making positive changes, I know it’s something I will always need to go back to time and again, but I want to finally pull down my barriers and start looking for them.
Hello June, I’m ready for you.
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