Like sooo many others, I’m finding that this time round lockdown feels so much harder. In fact these last few weeks have been reminiscent of my postnatal depression days and I find myself feeling frustrated, exhausted and complete demoralised on a daily basis and I can count the number of days on one hand that I’ve managed to get through the day without crying about something.
Some days I do wake up and think what’s the point, and I do know why of course, my kids, my husband, my family and friends, and MYSELF! These are all the reasons I keep going for and I especially need to remind myself that my hopes, dreams and aspirations are not lost, it’s just that they are paused and each day I make it through is just one step closer to hitting that play button again!
However I am learning coping skills like I’ve never learnt before, because to make it through I have to find a way to personally weather this storm. So in light of this and the hope that it may help others by sharing them here are the 3 most valuable things getting me through this current lockdown...
1. Focusing on the small things
As a mum of 3 and with one of them being a spirited little toddler who likes to climb, run and throw I don’t have time for anything too big or time consuming. I squeeze work and study around homeschool and caring duties (I’m lucky to have a husband who believes that raising kids is a joint venture but his business is busy right now and he needs to work as much as possible!) and so I really have to keep our days simple, practical and functional - sounds boring and droll right? Well, it is and there is no time for me or the glorious self care rituals I normally reach for to keep me buoyant so by focusing in on the small stuff I achieve more and get a few victories in each day.
This can look like getting us all dressed by 9am ready for live classrooms or including some salad in with the pizza I cooked in the microwave for lunch, reading a book for 10 minutes while my toddler naps or having a conversation with my husband at bedtime instead of scrolling my phone instead!
2. Grounding myself in the present
OK, this has been a massive mindset shift because no doubt you’re probably like me and like to plan in all sorts or goals, activities and accomplishments to look forward to or experience throughout the year. For me I like to think about how we will celebrate our birthdays, where we will take a break later on in the year, what events I want to attend with friends or what courses I can go to so I can up level my skills. I like weekends to be a mix of fun and productivity so I’m always on the look out for projects to do or museums/parks/festivals we can go to. All this, and so much more has had to be put on hold and after a year of doing it in 2020 it’s been a bitter pill to swallow having to do it again now.
So learning to just be in the present day and not project too far ahead has really helped me to not get so down trodden about having to put plans on hold. I know this will change, I know this isn’t forever (event though it feels that way right now!) and so just accepting that life means living from day to day right now keeps me from feeling so broken hearted about where I find myself right now.
It helps me to keep to a mini routine and find ways to make that day varied for myself and the kids (any ideas on this welcome!) and reminding myself that I just need to get through this day, this helps me to focus my energy on the now instead of getting frustrated about the future.
3. Giving myself permission to feel how hard this is
Gosh as women don’t we try to just be strong and tough about everything, we’ve seem to of gotten to a point where showing vulnerability to the world isn’t the thing we should be doing but actually this is fucking hard!!! We have never, ever known a situation like this in our lifetime or expected it for that matter and feeling all the feelings about it is totally ok and we shouldn’t be holding ourselves to some unrealistic standard we see set by influencers on social media!
As a mum I see so many other parents tearing their hair out over homeschooling but I really think it’s time we give ourselves a break! My children’s school sent through an questionnaire this week about how we were getting on with live classrooms and it stated that the Department of Education recommends that children in key stage 1 should be doing 3 hours of home learning a day and 4 hours in key stage 2 - WTF?!! This is a ridiculous standard to hold parents too, whether they are working or not and not very realistic! I’m lucky that both my girls teachers have been nothing but understanding and supportive when I emailed them to say that we wouldn’t be doing all the work that’s set each week and mainly focusing on just english and maths at home but I still see so many parents getting stressed and overwrought about keeping up with the work and getting done each day!
If you are resonating with this it’s time to stop and go easy on yourself! Of course I worry about their learning and keeping up with their educational development but right now our collective mental health as a family is much more important and don’t want them to see me being a stressed out, angry mummy each day when we can actually change the way we approach this and find a path that is much more gentle for all of us.
So when people ask me how I’m doing I have no problem in saying how it really is for me right now. I had a conversation with a colleague last week who reminded me of that great saying which goes we are all at sea right now but everyone is in a different boat, meaning that everyone circumstances right now look different so we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to other. If it feels hard then it’s ok to say that, it’s ok to tell others this and not feel any shame or guilt about it because when pretend we’re ok or make our feelings small to not upset others then we help no-one, especially ourselves.
I truly hope that there’s something in here that’s helped you or given you some ideas on how you can switch up your mindset so you can feel a bit better right now - wherever you are and whoever you are.
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